I can't express the relief in knowing this intervention is almost over. It has exhausted me, it has destroyed me, it has taken everything out of me and it has taught me that dealing with the passed and emotions may ultimately be rewarding, but the process has chopped me up into little pieces of cheese. Yum, but not really.
I have been shoved, I have been pushed and
I have been squished trying to make myself feel as insignificant as possible to avoid attention.
 |
| Pain, Sad, lonely |
Today was not a good one, I was very
anxious this morning, which didn’t help due to the fact that I was up late last
night. I have recognized that lack of sleep firstly, naturally, makes me exhausted
and grumpy, but secondly increases my anxiety levels. I had to remind myself to
breathe this morning, I was shaking while scribbling the words stress, worry
and anxious.
I feel very overwhelmed with the week
coming up, we have two briefs due this week, a test and trying to finish our
body interventions and all I can think about is how much I want to sleep.
The day progressed, and I got less focused
and more tired. My eyelids feel like someone has filled them with gravel, and every blink was like I was sanding down my eyeballs. I had encephalitis a few weeks ago, so I've been having headaches, feels similar to someone playing drums while you are hungover.
 |
| Loved, subdued, anxious, nervous, frightened, frustrated, happy, tired, confused |
This afternoon, I was so happy and relieve
to know I didn’t have to go grocery shopping. Anyone who knows me, knows that
if I didn’t have to drive I wouldn’t because driving entails me spending 20
minutes worrying about driving before I’ve even stepped into the car.
My sister and I fight every day about
washing the dishes, its just a sibling thing, every set of siblings needs to
have something they fight about and ours is about who is going to wash the
dishes. This time the fight was physical, as in lots of soapy water, shouting and
amusement, like two girls washing a car wearing only bikinis and listening to misogynist rap, men don't get excited, thats not what really happened. Plus, it was
 |
| Sleepy, embarrassed, insignificant |
"Do you write all over your body, or just on the visible parts?" I was asked today. The answer is only the visible parts. The song of the day:
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