INSIDE-OUT: Day 4: The Exhaustion

"I wanna paint my face and pretend I am someone else"

This day began very early as I had a test first thing. I am not a morning person; I'm not the kind of person that wakes up and starts singing the Glee soundtrack at the crack of dawn, mostly I'm up before dawn (in winter) and normally it takes me a while to get my eyes open, and during those first 15 minutes I ignore any human being near me. I wasn't as anxious as I usually am before a test, but I did begin the day stressed, anxious and very over tired.

The day was an improvement from yesterday, I had a brighter outlook on life, especially now that the test was done; I was hugely relieved. The rest of the day meant that the exhaustion was catching up with me, although the day was productive.

I went to a doctors appointment to get my headaches checked out and had to take of my jacket, to lie on that bed so they can prod you, take your temperature and check your blood pressure; it was good to find out that I was still in the land of the living, even though I was exhausted and it didn't feel like it. I began explaining that I thought the headaches may be tension headaches because I am quite an anxious person, at this stage due to the lack of sleep I became quite emotional about this, which was very embarrassing. I took my jacket off and felt that I needed to explain why I have marker over my arms.

The doctor said something interesting that really suck with me: :"Not all anxiety is bad". Ever since I was diagnosed with anxiety, it has always been an issue, a disorder and a disease- situated with these negative connotations. I found an article called the Art of Anxiety, examining the link between creativity personalities and anxious tendencies.

In the evening I met up with some friends for drinks, and had to explain to them how my Body Uncomfortable brief was going, it was very interesting to see how people react to this intervention. I spoke to this one person about the stigma attached to emotions, and they agreed with me, and found it very brave. I was anxious to show people everything written, especially when people ask "Let me read?"

Johnny Depp once said: "My body is my journal, and my tattoos are my story", through this intervention I am expressing this idea: our bodies are these tangible objects where we reside, and the markings on my skin express this "journal" on my skin.