Day 3: The Confrontation

Today was a challenge; I woke up with the grey cloud over me (as the call it), literally and figuratively. The doomed sky made me anxious of the dreaded day ahead. The passed two days seemed easier, as my emotions where not as strongly felt. But today I was depressed, anxious and stressed. I wanted to sleep, but the thought of sleep made me hyperventilate with anxiety, as I have so much work to do. 

Alex Stoddard

Faded morning letters

I wrote the word “depressed” on my arm; a misused word that has extracted the severity of it, “It just makes me so depressed that I can’t go out with my friends tonight”, phrases like this have become common in society.

The marking of the written word, interested by the end of the day, I had written it only once, under my arm in very small letters, so that it would be illegible to most. I am ashamed by this, and it annoys me.

Depressed, critical, angry, anxious, anxious, insecure, stressed, tired

Confronting these heavy emotions today was both daunting and exhausting. I had to deal with them, and recognize them, and couldn’t not just be “Fine”.

I began writing on my neck today using a mirror, writing forwards and reading it backwards. The skin on my arms has become a variety of faded letters. It is also interesting how many people, avoid looking at what I have written even though they know what I am writing, because I’ve told them.

John William Keedy confronts mental illness in his photo series titled It's Hardly Noticeable. 

Sentimental, sad, subservient, frightened, frustrated

I did not leave Vega the whole day, and was always in front of people while writing, which I had to consciously notice. When I got home my sister said “Wow, you’ve written a lot today.” As the writing on my neck creates direct attention, and I only wrote three words.

It is becoming evident that I am able to recognize emotions that I am feeling more, but sometimes I feel like I am in this stage of numbness, with no emotion to pin point.

Anxious, stressed, tired