Day 10: The Apathy

Basically a nice way of saying “I don’t give a F@£k”. Today was the final day of the  body intervention; I was apathetic towards everything and everybody. 

We have a Brand Strategy test tomorrow so I spend the majority of the day in this state of confusion, stress and just wanting to give up, mostly because I was so exhausted from the past two weeks, and even as I write this I honestly can't wait to go to bed tonight 
And most of all, THIS WEEK NEEDS TO BE OVER! 

Today someone looked at me and said "Wow, those bags under your eyes are dark, are you ill?"
I slapped them across the face, jokes, but mentally I did, and in reality gave them a sarcastic smile "I suppose the words "tired" and "exhausted" written all over my body don't give you any hints?"

Exhausted, Apathetic, stressed, tired, sad, alone

This evening, at 5pm, it dawned on me that in less than 12 hours I would be writing a test and I was currently lying like a fat cat on the couch after it has eaten a juicy rat. I realised that I better wake up my mind even if my body was a lump of uselessness.
I NEVER drink coffee, you know in life when people are like"I don't do drugs, it messes with me" well thats me with coffee. Drinking caffeine results in bush baby Olive; wide eyed and anxious. I start hyperventilating, get overly anxious, and uncomfortable- YES, it basically sounds like someone on drugs.

I drank, not one, but TWO mugs of coffee, and the effects of this lasted until the early hours of the morning, while I spoke to myself like an old granny in a retirement home. Knowing I have to get up in 4 hours to write a test has created this acidic feeling in my stomach.

Apathetic 

Today the words where repetitive; stress, bored, tired, exhausted and apathetic. Repeated over and over. It is also my last day of wearing black. In the last 10 days, wearing black has been like wearing a school uniform again, not that I feel anything like a school girl (those days are long gone) but it was something I don't have to really think that much about and although in the beginning, it was a little annoying to be wearing black everyday, I got quite comfortable with it, like wearing pyjamas every day, but more socially acceptable. 

Sad, annoyed, bored, tired, frustrated

The things I have learnt from this brief:

My emotions are as balanced as a unskilled tightrope walker; in one day I can range on a scale from as happy as a kid with sugar to depressed as a deranged clown 

The word anxiety appeared on my skin at least once every day; I spend a lot of time and energy being anxious. Like a cocaine addict, accept I am not one. 

Emotions are exhausting, facing them are draining. 

I am ashamed about the emotions I feel; I am not the Angela Jolie of Girl Interrupted, but rather the Britney Murphy (accept I didn't die, excuse the sombridity). 

I felt very exposed, and vulnerable. Feeling vulnerable is one of the most uncomfortable situations I could find myself in, I avoid it at all costs.